John Stewart on 60 Minutes

Well, you knew it wouldn't be Mike Wallace and after Ed Bradley's grim espresso strength story on Emmitt Till and the crackerheads who killed him, seeing Jon's smiling face actually looked good. He started strong with "Dick Cheney becomes the Hulk" when he's not in front of loyal people nodding out as he insists everyone's going to die whether he is or is not in charge.

Kerry can beat Nixon and the troops will be home in time for all in the family, which could have been a typo but wasn't. Teddy is Palm Beach all the way with no pants, "Profiles That Might Have Been Courage" a nod to the elder broski who took one as a mistake, or so we're told by dying torpedos.

"We travel in fake ethics" a so-called masquerade as parody of the absurd. He's right, you know - "A group of folks is what you run into at the Olive Garden." The Real Deal sez there's no

irony here - interviews with delegates and pics of pols with black people, but not in Montana. Madison Square Garden Lynn intro of Darth Vader, and Dick didn't do the twist - and Dick didn't go to 'Nam, either. Probably in an undisclosed location practicing the grinning grimace. Never trust a man who can't dance, or so the ancient Celtic warriors told us on the road.

Hugs, shrugs, and accidental things on the menu when there's a 22% boost in the ratings, and Edwards does his debut while Jon sez it doesn't count as a Kodak moment for America becuz a pol told us the truth, so he obviously doesn't know how the system works. "Access doesn't work for the smart media" either. Bush is uncomfortable, and the drug dogz would make him and everyone else uncomfortable, or so we're told.

Everything's fair game to the comedians who are the only ones who'll give us the reel truth since their pants are down anyway. That's the blessing of not taking yourself too seriously while telling bow-tied emperors they have no clothes. Since we can't sing, dunk, drink, junk or jump, we move from fake newz into fake history and do the twisted civics.

Banned from Wal-Mart for undressing the Supremes, the man wants a melon and a paper NOT. Turning beads into drinks is okay when yer #1 on the New York Times and on the cover of the Rolling Stone. I hope he bought 5 copies for his mother. Mine too.

Heading into the home stretch honed like a bartender at 8 pm, "We're takin' 60 Minutes down." Punk talk on Dubya's National Guard non-service included knocking CBS. "Rathergate" gets a gate, but not Iraq. Dick and Caymans and Iran don't get a "gate," but Rather does. "More heat than light" from conflict on cable, so Crossfire happened, and Tucker and Paul weaseled out and took the fall. "I'm not going to be your monkey" gets more double takes, and no one can accuse Jon of playing faves while he smiles. Slogans are misleading - and it very well "may cause drowziness" unless you've got a sense of humor.

More Jon Stewart: Original PP John Stewart article with link to transcript at this link. Our "credibility" article with a link to the full video here. Post-Crossfire spin at this link. And he broke the news of Dubya proclaiming that "we will not have an all-volunteer army" at this link.Related: "Fair and Balanced" done wrong is killing America, killing truth